b'Well, Im not going to call anybody, he says. Fire fighters dont call people for help. But shortly thereafter, when a fight with his wife came to a head, he spilled it all to her and she took him to a doctor. As Sears told his story, the doctor started crying. A military vet himself who suffers from PTSD, he knew the suffering Sears was enduring. Together, Tim and Lauri started learning all they could about the disorder, and he attended an intense six-week nighttime program with Deer Hollow treatment center as as well as a week-long program in California with Mighty Oaks. Is he cured? No. Is he better? Sometimes. Sears knows once MENTAL HEALTHyou have PTSD, it doesnt ever go away. You just have to learn how to manage it. But he now knows that most PTSD symptoms ADVOCATE are normal reactions to abnormal experiences. And that knowledge helps.Thats exactly what he wants to help other first responders Tim Sears Overcomes Strugglesdo. Like him, he knows that many fire fighters, EMS, and law to Build Stronger Families enforcement officers who are struggling with PTSD and other behavioral health concerns have a hard time admitting it and B Y J E N N W O O L S O N asking for help. Fortunately, he sees that issue and overall T im Sears grew up in a family of police officers, and likemental health awareness in the first responder world improving one retirement at a time.most cops kids, he thought that would be his careerSears says the newer generations of fire fighters are much path too. But when a neighbor who was a fire fighterbetter educated about mental health, with many departments invited him to the station, his career path took a leftbringing in their own psychiatrists and mental health turn. At age 16, that same neighbor gave him his ownprogramming. With a lot of younger fire fighters moving into bunker gear and a pair of used bunker bootsno small feat,administration roles post-COVID, he believes this is the perfect since Sears wears a size 16 shoe. He graduated from volunteertime to bring mental wellness in as a norm. fire fighter in high school, community college and while at Washington State University to his first full-time position withStronger Familiesthe Kirkland Fire Department (Local 2545) in 1992, where he stayed for 30 years.When first responders are struggling at home, they cant It was a long and successful career, Sears says, but in 2018be their best at work. Stronger Families exists to bring life-the wheels came off the bus. He woke up in the firehousechanging relationship skills to military, veteran, and first panicked and in a cold sweat. I didnt know what was goingresponder families so they can be strong and thrive.on, and it got progressively worse, he says. I started having nightmares. Things were just not going well. The organizations vision is for healthy marriages and stronger They were going so not well that it started affecting his lifefamilies in every first responder community: We believe our at home, where he was so edgy and not himself that Lauri, hisheroes in our communities sacrifice greatly. We are committed wife of 28 years, told him he needed to retire. Sears, of course, denied it. But after a few years of struggle, in 2021, he turned into helping protect what they value mosttheir family. A life of his resignation. service comes with unique stressors that can greatly impact He says, I felt like everything was going 1,000 miles an hourthose who serve emotionally, mentally and relationally.in my mind, and I couldnt calm it down, and I wasnt sleeping. But I thought if I retired, maybe everything would go back toStronger Families offers workshops, seminars and online normal. Spoiler alert: It didnt. resources to strengthen the families and departments of those During that time, Sears got a call from an organization calledwho serve. That includes First Responder OXYGEN weekend Stronger Families. The non-profit program was founded in 1988retreats designed for police, fire, EMS and dispatcher couples to assist military personnel with communication, relationshipsto receive life-changing relationship skills, so they can be and conflict resolution skills, and they wanted to expand its reach to first responders. And they wanted someone familiarstrong and thrive at home and at work. The retreat includes with that world, someone like Sears, to lead the charge. tools and opportunities for couples to connect with their Although he was reluctant at first because he felt brokenpartners, learn to better navigate their relationships and meet mentally, physically and spiritually, Sears eventually agreedwith counselors if they want. Stronger Families also offers to join Stronger Families. One of his first official acts wasWellness Block Training for departments with 90-minute attending the 1st Responders Conference in Jacksonville, Fla., as a representative of the organization. Listening to attendeessessions to build skills in communication, conflict resolution, present about their experience with PTSD (post-traumaticunderstanding differences, leading from strengths and stress disorder), Sears says he started bawling. At that samenavigating transitions. conference, he heard Matt Quackenbush, an expert in first responder PTSD, speak, and had the same reaction. The lightLEARN MORE ABOUT THE PROGRAM AT strongerfamilies.com.bulb went on. I think I have that, he said to himself. He wasnt yet ready to admit his findings to anyone else, though, even Lauri. But he knew it was PTSD because everything Quackenbush was describingthe sweats, the dreams, the nightmares, the suicidal thoughtswere exactly what Sears was experiencing. So, what next?37'